As I was eating a cookie cream bar outside a room, trying to wake myself up, I looked in the mirror. I scanned the room behind me and I thought of my old house- the alternating patterns of little triangles on the stairs, the wooden curtain beneath it, hiding treasures from countries unknown.
In my mind, I sat on the sofa, facing the dining room and kitchen with the huge television and karaoke set to my left.
It was a beautiful thing-
to remember that as a child, parts of my own house remained a mystery; the mini “bodega” I was so scared of; the cabinets I used to hide in for different reasons. Everything towered over me.
Even then I liked tiny moments to myself,
separated from the world as my young little mind attempted to look outside the box and peer into the haziness of reality.
These are memories that are so precious to me, memories that make me feel exposed in revealing.
But I need to profess how much I miss that life...
It was a time of innocence and naivety, such concepts that I can never take ahold of ever again;
A ship that has sailed on a sea that is infinitely straight.
And it pains me, so very much,
that my life then, my beautiful untroubled life of sweetness,
was as scant as the cookie cream bar that I was eating.
It no longer exists.
My life then feels so entirely different and disconnected to how my life is now.
And the most dismal thing is, the longing will never fade away for as long as I live, because it was the best part of my life, with the best people that I know and love.
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Originally published on Bittersweet Nostalgia
10.05.2012
the unabridged reader 
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