the unabridged reader

Around July of this year, my fixation on cozy gaming started. I never thought it would be something I would appreciate and learn life lessons from. But these life sims made me realise that I can simulate games in real life, too.

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For too long now,

Too many things in life felt like they were out of my control.
Too many goals I wanted to achieve, but seemed to be unable to progress on.
Too many areas in life that I felt like I was failing in.

So one night, I decided to entertain myself and get back into the games I abandoned 2 years prior. As I continued to practice, I got better, and I got addicted to the dopamine hits I got for completing quests.

It also gave me something to look forward to after I was drained from my day job- a job that was physically, mentally, and emotionally draining my soul. I used to work overtime a lot. But the games encouraged me to draw a line between my working and personal hours. Having time to free my mind from the woes of work; I was able to enjoy my evenings, and feel refreshed for a new day after.

I have always known this fact. Heck, I teach this fact. But it has always been a struggle for me. I’ve always had a hard time with all the open tabs in my brain. I start hundreds of projects without finishing them. I don’t remember how I got through my exams in Uni. I know these are all signs of something but I keep putting off the confirmation. Because in my head, how would it even matter? I have been living and struggling like this my whole life. Will anything even really change even after I have confirmed if something in my brain is different?

And so the second and more important thing that cosy gaming helped me reflect on, was the concept of leveling up in multiple skills to have an improved quality of life. I have so many interests. I fixate heavily in the beginning then abandon them. I pick up a new hobby, fixate, then drop it. I go back to the previous hobby, cycle back from the beginning, repeat. It’s frustrating. It’s disappointing. It’s discouraging.

I have always heard that I needed to stick to one thing to be successful. But if Palia is asking me to level up in gardening, hunting, mining, fishing, and everything else- and I am able to do it- then why can’t I do the same in real life? I am lucky enough to have time and resources to do these hobbies in my free time. I believe they are hard-earned rewards. The only pressure is coming from myself. The pressure to be able to completely shift and do them full time, while having enough to ensure there’s a roof over our heads. But I have accepted that now is not yet the time for that. So what I have decided, is to embrace them all (maybe some, not all) for now and cycle through them. Life is too short to not enjoy creating beautiful things. Life is too short to not indulge in topics we want to learn more about.

And once I have established a system and routine, then maybe.. then maybe, I can live a life rooted on creating and making. This is the game of life. We make do with the current level we are on. We grind, we hustle, we cycle through all our skills, and then we live a better and happier life.